• Skip to primary navigation
  • Skip to main content
  • Skip to primary sidebar

Jaime Says

wine.quiet travel.lifestyle.

  • About
  • What is Quiet Travel?
  • Destinations
    • Europe
      • Amsterdam
      • France
      • Portugal
        • The Azores
      • Spain
    • United States
      • Alabama
      • Arizona
      • Canada
      • Idaho
      • Illinois
        • Chicago
        • DuPage County
      • Indiana
      • Michigan
      • Mexico
      • Montana
      • Nevada
      • New Orleans
      • Wisconsin
    • Quiet Travel
  • Life and Links
  • Wine
  • Work With Me
    • Previous Brand Partnerships
preparing for your church wedding

Life and Links, Wedding

19 March 2018

What to do When Your Church Wedding Gets Canceled

Last Updated on March 19, 2018 by JaimeSays

Eddie proposed to me last summer.  With all the craziness from the days leading up to the proposal, I was eager to get to the courthouse and make this thing legal! As I’ve never been keen on being the center of attention, I thought that was the most practical option.  I have watched the parents of acquaintances and friends spend tens of thousands of dollars on weddings and then divorce within two years.  To me, I cared more about the marriage than the wedding.

 

Eddie didn’t like my courthouse idea at all.  He cited all the fun we had had at his cousin’s and sister’s wedding the year before, and talked about wanting to invite all the little kids from the family so that no one would be left at home. He mentioned how he had gone to Catholic school his entire life and how important my church was to me.  We decided to move toward a more traditional route.


Pre-Requisites for Your Church Wedding

Many churches require a single day or weekend class or meeting with a pastor before your church wedding.  These classes serve to prepare you for conflicts that may arise in marriage.  Some churches require that you get to know the pastor more personally before your big day.  This deeper relationship with your pastor serves you better as he or she is able to tailor a wedding sermon that is less formulaic and more personal for your church wedding.

My church had a more time consuming process.  We didn’t mind because we thought this meant we’d be more prepared for our marriage. We paid a fee and enrolled in the pre-marital classes required for our church wedding. The first thing we needed to do was complete a nearly one hundred question self-survey. Then, over seven weeks, we took ninety minute classes to prepare for a life together. The classes were about finances, intimacy, conflict, communication, and the role of religion in our life. We had different married couples counsel and teach us each week, from a couple that talked about the stuffed animals they sleep with on their bed to two corporate executives who find balance with work and family life.

Final Steps for Your Church Wedding

The last steps for a church wedding typically involve meeting with the pastor to tailor a marriage sermon to your big event.  At this time, you’ll also be asked to finalize the date and pay the fee required for staffing your church wedding.  These fees may be used for security at the church, an organist, the pastor, and other behind the scenes employees necessary to make the service run smoothly.

After our classes were finished, we met with our church’s marriage and family counselor.  We spent 75 minutes discussing with him the things that were important to us. Discussions included what we envisioned for our life together in the future and hardships we had already faced.  We talked about the role faith had in our lives. Eddie and I both mentioned that we came to Christ as children growing up in Christian homes.  Our pastor was kind and relatable and talked about his faith journey, stating that he became a Christian after college.

“We Cannot Bless this Marriage”

As we thought we were getting to the point where we wrote a check and worked on the logistics for our upcoming wedding, the pastor stopped us.  He stated that there were two issues that prohibited the church from marrying us.  He first mentioned that since we were two adults in an intimate relationship, the church could not bless this marriage.  As our church is strictly biblical, this didn’t necessarily surprise Eddie or myself.  We hoped our wedding would be in about three months so we the idea of abstinence for 90 days did not seem overwhelming.  We had been living separately as I took care of my mom, so this wasn’t particularly daunting.

I asked the pastor, “If we are all sinners and the church welcomes everyone, why is the ultimatum ‘either don’t sin or you have to get out of here?'”

He laughed.  He said, “We’re not saying get out of here, we’re saying you can’t get married here.”

I pressed him further.

“If we are acknowledging our sin and trying to make things right in the eyes of God, why are you telling us that we can’t do that?”

I can’t remember his exact words, but he stated something along the lines of, because of our sin, “we cannot bless this marriage.”

He moved on.  They also could not marry us because there was grave concern since Eddie and I were “unequally yolked in our faith.” Eddie is nominally Roman Catholic but questions the tenants of our religion.  I am unwaveringly Christian.  Eddie would accompany me at church once or twice a month and was listening to biblical podcasts. This pastor, the representative of our church, did not think Eddie was Christian enough for us to have a successful relationship.

Faith is not a Linear Journey

This boiled my blood.  I can’t speak for Eddie, but the pastor who had told us just an hour earlier that he wasn’t a Christian 15 years ago passed a judgement on Eddie’s faith journey that I can’t wrap my head around.  Eddie and I both had believed in Christ since our childhood; our pastor would not have been able to speak intelligently about the Bible had we met him in high school.  I mentioned that after my dad died, I was turned off by religion for about three years, but made my way back to the church.  By all accounts, Eddie, me, and this pastor all had personal experiences that did not reflect a linear faith journey.  When we pressed the pastor about this, he simply rose from his chair and indicated that our meeting was finished.

What to Do When Your Church Wedding Gets Canceled

We were told on a Sunday that our church wedding would not be happening.  That Wednesday, we purchased a $60 marriage license.  Four days later, we waited in line at City Hall and  paid $10 to be married by a Catholic judge.  We did not have witnesses.  Eddie wore a suit, I wore an Abercrombie sweater and white leather pants.  We surprised our families with the news. The featured photo of this post is the only picture we had taken of our marriage.  We held a party this past weekend to celebrate our marriage with friends and family, but privately we have celebrated our marriage for months.

Seeking a New Church Home in Chicago

I am disappointed in the church I called home for five years.  We have not been back since we were told that they could not bless our marriage. To me, this is just a navigable obstacle in our faith journey.  We haven’t sworn off religion or vowed to ruin the church.  While our God is perfect, churches are run by imperfect people.  Maybe this pastor made his own decision and not everyone at the church would agree with it.  Maybe all the pastors at this church would agree that they could not bless us.  Either way, we are happy with the decision we made and look forward to finding a new church.  We are confident that God will bless our marriage and hopeful that we will find a new church soon!

  • Author
  • Recent Posts
JaimeSays
WSET Level 2 Certified Wine Lover, DuPage County Brand Ambassador. DME + Orthotics By Day, Adoring Home Life and Travel by Night.
Latest posts by JaimeSays (see all)
  • Birdwatching: One of the Best Attractions in Southwest Florida - January 13, 2021
  • My Endometriosis Story - December 8, 2020
  • 5 Ways to Enjoy German Riesling Wines This Holiday Season - November 24, 2020
  • 9 Reasons to Visit Northern Idaho and Fall in Love - November 15, 2020
  • An Introduction to Rogue Valley Wines with Awen Winecraft - October 12, 2020
  • How to Spend a Weekend inNorthern Michigan - September 28, 2020
  • Discover Other Oregon Wine Regions to Explore - September 9, 2020
  • Easy At Home Cocktails with Spirit Hub - September 3, 2020
  • Cheers to 4 Years of Socially Distant Travel Recommendations - August 28, 2020

Related Posts

  • Life and Links

    Happy New Year! I've been busy writing articles for Dave's Travel Corner, 52 Perfect Days,…

  • Life and Links: Sorry I've Been Quiet!

    Oh boy! I realized I haven't posted in two weeks, but if you follow me…

  • Life and Links: Big News Announcement!

    I've teased this on and off for a couple of months, but now that the…

Newer Posts
Older Posts

Reader Interactions

Leave a Comment Cancel reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Comments

  1. Karen says

    March 19, 2018 at 12:58 pm

    Congratulations on your marriage! You look stunning and it’s legal, which is all that counts for most people. I’m sorry to hear about the logistical nightmare. 🙁

    Reply
    • JaimeSays says

      March 19, 2018 at 1:17 pm

      Thanks Karen! It is legal and we love eachother so that’s the best part 🙂

      Reply
  2. Jason says

    March 19, 2018 at 1:57 pm

    That is absolutely ridiculous on so many levels. They should have stated from the beginning their rules for marriage at the church so that no one’s time is wasted or money too. That should be easily apart of any getting started package.
    Also very rude of pastor to condemn and pass judgment. Jesus especially speaks to his goal of saving the sinners. And there is absolutely no way a person can be judged by what makes them Christian or religious enough especially based on attendance. One could watch church service anywhere in the world at any time. Plus, if attendance was the only requirement for Heaven wouldn’t most just go and check off the box and say they met their yearly quota for attendance. And the fact you were willing to change but it wasn’t accepted says a lot. Organized religion can be something else and I’m not surprised why so many people are turned off by it. Half the people touting the rules and guidelines are some of the biggest sinners and God doesn’t make a distinction between big vs little sins. So the way that church is set up they prob shouldn’t be a church bc everyone has sinned especially the pastor.

    Reply
    • JaimeSays says

      March 19, 2018 at 9:35 pm

      I know. The fact that my questions were dodged more so than answered told me everything that I needed to know. Good thing God is Great !

      Reply
  3. Paula schuck says

    March 19, 2018 at 3:42 pm

    Oh Jaime! I’m so sorry this happened. What a sad statement. When we got married I was not religious and my husband grew up Catholic. We did all the things you said. Our first priest got sick. That was unfortunate. Our second priest retired or something but it was unplanned. We had our honeymoon cancelled as a result of your company going out of business. Eventually we got married anyways in a chapel at the University where I was still a student and it was a lovely wedding but there was a lot of ups and downs and it was super challenging getting all that sorted. I’m sad for what has gone on here- that’s not right. That said, I wish you both a lifetime of love, good health and happiness.

    Reply
    • Paula schuck says

      March 19, 2018 at 3:42 pm

      Tour company not your company. Ugh

      Reply
    • JaimeSays says

      March 19, 2018 at 9:36 pm

      Sometimes I think if it’s too easy, it isn’t meant to be. Thanks for your well wishes, Paula!

      Reply
  4. Bob Bales says

    March 19, 2018 at 6:36 pm

    Sounds like you went through quite an ordeal. In the end it doesn’t really matter what one psdtir thinks. You know it’s the right move. Congrats on the wedding and hope you two have a great life.

    Reply
  5. Margarita Ibbott @DownshiftingPRO says

    March 19, 2018 at 4:05 pm

    I can’t even… and churches wonder why young people are leaving in droves…

    I was married in the Catholic Church and my husband was not Catholic at the time. We completed the required marriage courses (best investment in our marriage to date) however, we did get some push back because we were living together at the time (albeit briefly) because my fiancee had been transferred to a new city and province. The priest in that province was more conservative and similar to your pastor.

    Our priest (in the province we did marry in), was more welcoming and open minded and welcomed us even though we lived 2500 km away. That small gesture or ‘investment’ – faith in our commitment to get married in a church – paid off. Some 20 years later, unbeknownst to me, my husband made the decision to convert to Catholicism. Our children had been raised in the faith and ultimately, my husband felt welcomed in the Catholic Church.

    I also feel the service is more important than the party. I hope you are still able to secure a blessing from your husband’s church but let me say, it is the commitment that both of you have to getting married and to each other that is the most important.

    I salute and celebrate with you. Congratulations.

    Reply
    • JaimeSays says

      March 19, 2018 at 9:41 pm

      Thanks Margarita. Our plan is to find a new church home and be blessed at that time. The service was the most important part to me too, but alas, the Bible also says to follow the laws of the land. We followed the law of the land so we’re married for now, and then we’ll get the blessing of the church. Not the ideal timeline, but it will work out!

      Reply
  6. Rome says

    March 30, 2018 at 4:02 am

    Congratulations Kid. I’m sorry you had to go through all that. Makes me wonder how many folks just lied and got all blessed up for it. You guys were honest and this happens. I’m glad you’re moving forward and have a plan. As for me, y’all are in love and married and that’s that. So so happy for you guys.

    Reply
    • JaimeSays says

      March 30, 2018 at 7:33 pm

      Thanks Rome!

      Reply

Primary Sidebar

  • Email
  • Facebook
  • Instagram
  • Pinterest
  • Twitter
  • YouTube

NEVER MISS A POST

Categories

Popular posts:

  • Whitefish Montana Restaurants: Where to Eat in…Whitefish Montana Restaurants: Where to Eat in Whitefish Montana
  • Are the Azores Safe to Visit? 9 Reasons Why You…Are the Azores Safe to Visit? 9 Reasons Why You Should Visit the Azores
  • 10 Things to do in Petoskey This Summer10 Things to do in Petoskey This Summer
  • 8 Things to do in Ludington MI8 Things to do in Ludington MI
  • 16 Things to do in Sandpoint Idaho this Summer16 Things to do in Sandpoint Idaho this Summer

Tags

Amsterdam anxiety management Architecture Bordeaux Charlevoix Chicago CityPass date night DuPage DuPage County Europe Family home Honeymoon Hotel Review Idaho Indianapolis Lake Michigan Life and Links Marathon Weekend Michigan Michigan's Upper Peninsula Michigan Wineries Midwest Money Saver Money Saving Tips Montana Northern Michigan Petoskey Petoskey Area Portugal Practical Tips quiet travel Québec South Loop Southwest Michigan style The Azores The Upper Peninsula U.S. Travel Where to Eat Wine Wine Tours Winter Wisconsin

@instagram

Half the battle of dry January is just overcoming Half the battle of dry January is just overcoming the ritual of opening a bottle of wine or mixing up a cocktail. And sometimes, it’s just the taste you are after.  How incredible then, are the alcohol-free options from @dhosspirits ? This 0 proof, alcohol-free Juniper Spirit has the body, taste, and smell profile of a gin, without the alcohol, the calories, or the liquor tax! With only 5 calories per 1.5 Oz serving, you can reduce your caloric content for a gin&tonic by 96 calories per serving. Truly, this changes the game for at home cocktails and bar mocktails, beyond Dry January. •
•
•
•
•
#dryjanuary #mocktails #cocktails #athomebartender #ginfree #juniperberry #startenders #dranks #alcoholfree #alcoholfreedrinks #mamajuice #lowcalorie #dhos #yourdrinkyourway
Cocktail vs Mocktail Round Two! Is the cocktail in Cocktail vs Mocktail Round Two! Is the cocktail in the rocks glass or in the coupe?  Would you believe that other than the additional of a clear spirit, the only difference in these two drinks is that one is shaken and one is stirred? Seriously! The composition is the exact same, just one uses the non-alcoholic parts as a base and the other makes it the main event.  What are your guesses?  -3.5 Oz @lacroixwater Limoncello
-.5 Oz Fresh Raspberry  Syrup
-A Squeeze of Lemon
-1.5 Oz @catanpisco (optional) #catanpisco is the first Female Owned Chilean Pisco brand in the US! Available at @target and @binnysbev, this #pisco is 100%  Pedro Ximenez grapes and, at 40% ABV, falls under the Pisco Reserve umbrella.  I added the liquor and ice to a shaker and strained out the final product into the coupe glass. It’s fresh, vibrant, with a floral note  and buttery mouthfeel that plays well with the fresh, hardly sweetened, Raspberry Syrup.
•
•
•
•
#dryjanuary #mocktails #mocktail #cocktailsofinstagram #cocktailvsmocktail #pisco #chilean #chileanpisco #piscodrinks #piscococktails #piscochile #catan #smallbusiness #familybusiness #nonalcoholic #nonalcoholicdrink #sommelier #beverageblogger #adultbeverages
Cocktail vs Mocktail Time! As you may have been ab Cocktail vs Mocktail Time!
As you may have been able to glean from my stories, I am using this month as a #dryjanuary.  First up, here is a cocktail vs mocktail recipe.  The White Cranberry Mimosa comes from Moersch Hospitality Group, the folks behind #SouthwestMichiganWineries like @taborhillwinery, @roundbarnwdb, and @freeruncellars. The mocktail is my alternative.  White Cranberry Mimosa:
1.5oz white cranberry juice
5oz Tabor Hill Sparkling Demi-Sec
Cranberries for Garnish  Cranberry Mocktail:
5 Oz Sparkling Water or Lemon-Lime Soda, depending on your preferred level of sweetness
5-6 Dashes @Feebrothersbitters Cranberry Bitters
Rosemary Garnish (optional)  #bartender #savesmallbusiness #southwestmichigan #lovewestmichigan #michiganwineries #lockdownsdontwork #winter #winelife #sommelier #sommstyle #sparklingwine #mocktails #alcoholfree #cocktailchallenge #michigan
I finally got to make a Riesling Holiday Punch wit I finally got to make a Riesling Holiday Punch with a Pear and Cranberry Ice Float for Christmas! 10 point deduction for waiting until it had been out a couple of hours and the perfect ring started dropping some cranberries. A great way to be festive if you’re having a pod NYE party: it’s low alcohol, tasty, and the recipe is in my 5 Ways to Enjoy Riesling Holiday post! •
•
•
•
•
#riesling #germanriesling #pfalz #holidaypunch #icefloat #decorativeicecubes #decorativeice #cocktailideas #batchcocktails #muellercatoir #youcansipwithus #winelover #winecocktails #sommlife
If you haven't been to a @Fanniemaychocolate this If you haven't been to a @Fanniemaychocolate this holiday season, I HIGHLY recommend you stop by.  There are new candies (Double Dark Chocolate Sea Salt Pixies, anyone?), pre-made, and customizable holiday baskets, and the same great quality you've come to expect. An Illinois business celebrating 100 years, they know how to do holidays. If you've already done your holiday shopping, don't forget that Valentines' Day is 6 weeks into the New Year!  #chocolate #chocoholic #tradition #holidaytradition #supportillinois #institutions #saveillinoisrestaurants #openillinoisrestaurants #lastminutegiftideas #lastminute #holidaycheer #christmasshopping #christmasgifts #gifted #notsponsored #fanniemayisthebest #bestchocolatebox #chocolatebox #chocolatetruffles #wevegotacountrytosave
Not a zoo, no tickets, free entry and parking, and Not a zoo, no tickets, free entry and parking, and spell binding lights. @villageoflombard and @lombardparks put on this magnificent display every year in #lilaciapark.  TIP: bring your mask just in case it’s crowded. The nearer to closing time (9PM) you visit, the less crowded it is. 5 PM is quite jammed.  While you’re in town, stop at @noonwhistlebrewing to pick up a six pack of beer! I like their #swankysmack sour, and fruity IPAs, and I like to support a small business even more. Grab a to-go meal at @babcocksgrovehouse or  sit at #rosemaryandjeans for safe dining.  #shoplocal #holidaylights #yestoyorktown #lombard #dupagecounty #suburbanchicago #westchicago #westernsuburbs #noonwhistlebrewing #christmasdecor #christmaslights #outdoorlights
Follow on Instagram
This error message is only visible to WordPress admins
There has been a problem with your Instagram Feed.
  • What is Quiet Travel?
  • About
  • Work With Me
  • Case Studies
  • Policies

Copyright © 2021 · Jaime Says · Designed by Small Shop & Developed by Bella Creative Studio

This website uses cookies to improve your experience. We'll assume you're ok with this, but you can opt-out if you wish.Accept Reject Read More
Privacy & Cookies Policy

Privacy Overview

This website uses cookies to improve your experience while you navigate through the website. Out of these, the cookies that are categorized as necessary are stored on your browser as they are essential for the working of basic functionalities of the website. We also use third-party cookies that help us analyze and understand how you use this website. These cookies will be stored in your browser only with your consent. You also have the option to opt-out of these cookies. But opting out of some of these cookies may affect your browsing experience.
Necessary
Always Enabled

Necessary cookies are absolutely essential for the website to function properly. This category only includes cookies that ensures basic functionalities and security features of the website. These cookies do not store any personal information.

Non-necessary

Any cookies that may not be particularly necessary for the website to function and is used specifically to collect user personal data via analytics, ads, other embedded contents are termed as non-necessary cookies. It is mandatory to procure user consent prior to running these cookies on your website.

SAVE & ACCEPT